just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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