I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
