Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
