I love black thongs
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
This toilet bowl is my home.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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