the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
