doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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