I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize