just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
