his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
