But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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