After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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