If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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