I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
