I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
