FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
