Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
