She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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