he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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