Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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