I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
