im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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