I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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