Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
