I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
