Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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