well I can't set my house on fire every night
too bad you live with your parents still
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize