He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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