The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
