The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize