I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
