gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
