do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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