The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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