you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
