haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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