Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
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Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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