so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
