Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
