Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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