I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
