DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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