My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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