Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
