and i looked up. we had an audience...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
