well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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