last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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