i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
