Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
