i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
