can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
