i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
