Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
