there's paper in my vomit.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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