Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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