come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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