Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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