Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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