Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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