I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
