ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize