I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
