my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
